Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Chapter 60: Underneath Your Clothes...

Yeah, I'm talking about underwear. No, I'm not running out of things to talk about. In fact, this is something I have had an opinion about for quite a while. For those of you who have met me, I have always been known to have fairly large breasts for my size/frame. I'm 5'2" and I have 32E breasts. Yeah, I said it. I don't get why women are so secretive about it? Men don't ever really understand what the numbers and letters mean anyway... They think a 36A is massive. FYI, men, the number is the back size, the letter is the cup size. Moving on... I developed at quite an early age. I was about 10 years old when I had B cup breasts. Growing up I really wanted smaller boobs, but I have grown to appreciate my body in recent years. As I've said in previous blogs, everyone has a specific body hang-up. Let me tell you this ladies, whether you have small or big boobs, NEVER be hung up about them. And no men, we aren't hung up because of you. 99.9% of the time, it's about how we look in clothes. Most importantly, underwear.

UNDERWEAR, the bane of my life. Girls with smaller breasts, I envy you because of this. Don't get me wrong,  I love my breasts, but I just want to be able to wear pretty underwear at a REASONABLE price. So whenever Debenhams have a sale or promotion on the underwear department, I am there in a shot. They have the prettiest bra's for DD+. So when I get there and I see a gorgeous that:
  1. Suits my skin tone (I'm like casper).
  2. Has a pretty pattern.
  3. Does a lot for my cleavage. 
  4. Doesn't give me 4 boob syndrome - when the cup cuts into your cleavage making you look like a 4 boobed alien from outerspace with a t-shirt on.
I am all over it. "YES... They have my size!" Is what I yelp in my head after rummaging for 10 minutes without my glasses on, trying desperately to find my size. After this glorious success, I go to the matching pants. "Oh, FUCKING A!" Is what I scream in my mind when I look and see only the pants are left to match. Now, don't get me wrong. The pants are also pretty, I have NOTHING against the pants... for other girls. Unfortunately for me, these hips don't lie. No. I need either a thong for jeans, or french knickers for dresses. I can NOT have pants that show:
  1. 4 bum - when the VPL digs into your ass, making you have 4 bum - the aftermath of The Human Centipede when the people stitched together finally get separated).
  2. 4 hip - when the top seam of the pants dig into your hips, making you have 4 hips. Similar to that of a stacking toy game you got as a kid:

Yeah the above image, best represents me in pants.

Bravissimo... Let's talk bravissimo. Smaller boobed ladies, be grateful you don't have to pay the below prices for a pretty underwear set:

Yeah, that's JUST the bra... See below for bottom prices, entitled "Accessories":

Yeah... the word 'joke' springs to mind. A whopping total of either £62 for bra and brief or £60.50 for bra and brief... Thank God they knocked off £1.50 for less material. I just hope the bra acts block bullets in case I decide to walk through the ghetto one night.

In addition to this, we (I) have to go through the embarrassing rigmarole of slyly taking off a size 18 bikini top from a set and swapping to go with the other size 10 set for the customer service advisor to say, "Are you sure you got the sizes you want right?" "Do you want me to show you my bra size, lady? Shall I just get back in the changing room and model the bikini for you and the rest of the queue to assure you I have the right sizes?"

So although I love my boobs, it costs to make em look pretty! It's true what they say, having a nice set of underwear on underneath your clothes gives you so much confidence, you instantly feel better. So although you smaller breasted ladies may want bigger boobs, we want your pretty and affordable underwear! Although some celebrities like Kelly Brook and Katie Price have tried their hand at nice underwear for big boobs, they are only every so often released in stores (e.g. Valentines or summer for bikinis) and so are subject to availability... screw you, bitches!

Girls, I want to know your views. I shared mine, no please share yours. I want nice affordable underwear for my size available EVERYWHERE that sells underwear. It depresses me when  I see beautiful underwear in the magazines and then I see it's available at Primark, AKA, NOT FOR ME. What do you reckon? Do you like underwear as much as me? Do you care if it's matching? Are you embarrassed to shop for underwear or to ask to be measured? Please respond on her or my usual places on Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Meanwhile, listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FE194VN6c4

Embrace your bodies ladies.


  1. Matching underwear is such a rarity that Mr.H bought me about 4 sets out of the blue "just because" in a bid to encourage a bit of class in that department and coax me out of my spotty ones with holes in... I still love my spotty ones and will only wear 100% cotton although the holey ones have since been demoted to the bin. And as for the matching sets? They only make an appearance on special occasions. Or OFSTED are in and I need a boost. ;-)

  2. Haha! I hear you, Leigh. I very rarely wear matching sets unless I really want to feel confident or it's for a special occasion... Love a nice set every now and again though :)