Chapter 42: Who's Your Idol?

This morning on the way to work, I was driving behind a White Fiesta Zetec S. It was a nice car but I felt it was driving as if it was in The Fast & The Furious. Why though? We were only on feckin' Pages Lane and there was a car indicating left to go into another street. So what did the Fiesta do? Swerved around it like it was being filmed by a moving camera. When I eventually stopped behind it, there was a piece of writing that was stenciled on the boot with a quote, "'Dude I almost had you.' Paul Walker, 1973-2014". I thought it was pretty cool to be honest! It got me thinking though, it's really amazing how actors/characters/singers can really have such a hold over a person. I don't know one person who isn't really into one particular actor, character or film and if it isn't in film form, it's definitely in the form of music. You're either into one or the other or both. An obvious idol for a lot of women is Marilyn Monroe. The classic 'Pin Up' actress who paved the way for other actresses and women by showing confidence in self image and sexuality on screen. I have many friends who have canvases of her face pinned up on their walls and who regularly share her quotes on their social network feeds.

For men we have people like Paul Walker, who sadly passed away earlier this year whilst filming The Fast & The Furious franchise. Walker was in a number of films including Into The Blue (2005) and Running Scared (2006) but it was F&F that really soared him into fame. An action series about an Police Officer who gets heavily involved in his undercover work and soon becomes a part of the operation he is covering. It doesn't matter if this genre of movie isn't your thing, or you're not a car person or better yet a boy racer! I don't know one person who doesn't like the films. I've watched them all and love them as it was something I grew up with throughout secondary school onward.

It doesn't just have to be any of the above though, people have idols that they know and love in real life. Mine are my parents. Both such strong and loving people who have worked so hard their entire lives to help raise me and sisters into the people we are today. My Dad trained for a degree on the job when we were little. He taught us all how to draw and paint and of course, everything we know about films and music :). My Mammy used to work night shifts and then come home and look after us and later on in life, her grandchildren. Now she was my definition of "Wonder Woman". If I could be half the woman she was, I would be ecstatic :).

Whether we have Idols in our lives that we have had the honor of being in the presence of, or on the silver screen, I think it it is a part of what makes us who we are. Our personalities, our likes an dislikes, our general make up. People know me for loving movies, I know people who love musicians and follow them devoutly. People who love journalists, radio presenters, travellers. Who we idolise shines through in all of us. People who love Marilyn Monroe admire everything about her that makes her a woman. Her curves, her red lipstick, her flirtation. Everyone who loves Paul Walker loves his acting, how cool he comes across on screen and off screen and his general badassness. I idolise my parents because I have looked up to them all of my life and they have made me and my family who we are today; we are all strong minded, confident, have a zest for life, a good sense of humor and most importantly we have an unbreakable bond. My Auntie refers to us girls as being from "good stock" and we all know it :). To have an idol, is to look up to someone and strive to be like them. The Cambridge Dictionary's definition of this is, "Someone who is admired and respected very much." 

If I HAD to pick an idol in the film world, it would have to be Quentin Tarantino (which a lot of you already know). Uma Thurman and Shane Meadows. I have many others I admire, but I would say I look up to these three as idols. Shane Meadows is widely known for the hit film and TV series, This Is England (2006). If you haven't seen them, you're missing out. The film is great and I would recommend you watch this before the series. However, Meadows' best creation in my opinion is Dead Man's Shoes (2004). Definitely up there in my top 10 films of all time. A film about a brother out for revenge, this film will be sure to have you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. Here's a trailer if you're interested: Dead Man's Shoes, starring Paddy Considine.

I don't know about you, but if I see/hear a quote from a film, I HAVE to find out what it is straight away. So when I seen that quote on the car this morning, I tried NOT to read any further as it was clear a name would follow. So this week I thought it would be fun to give you all a little quiz. I write the quote, you guess the movie. I'd urge you not to use Google/IMDB, because 1. That would be cheating and 2. It's just better to guess! SO, here goes:

1. "If you book them, they will come."
2. "Do you know what the secret of life is? [Holds up one finger] This."
3. "Ron? I have a name. It's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie, or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll."
4. "I'm standing here; you make the move. It's your move. You make the move..."
5. "You're aiming high." "Why not? It doesn't cost anymore. Don't you believe in chasing rainbows?"
6. "Hold on to your butts."
7. "Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength."
8. "Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgement."
9. "So bright... so beautiful... ah, Precious."
10. "I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy."
11. "Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed."
12. "We ride together, we die together."
13. "These were Italian." "Now they're practical."
14. "You jumped my bones the first night we met!" "We did it on the first date?" "Couldn't call it a date really, we just did it in the parking lot of the 7-eleven." "I'm a slut."
15. "Oh, come on, ladies. God wouldn't have given you maracas if He didn't want you to shake 'em."
16. "Strength and honor."
17. "Where are you taking us?" "Mexico." "What's in Mexico?" "Mexicans."
18. "You realise of course that we could never be friends." "Why not?" "What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."
19. "How do I look?" "You look ready."
20. "Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

Well... thought it would be something different for you all this week! Maybe get your brains ticking over, ha. Remember, NO Google/IMDB. Unless you really can't be arsed, in which case... GO AHEAD. Would love to know how you found the quiz and most of all, who your idols are? Contact me on here, Facebook or on Twitter at @triciabaxter.

Hope you all have a great week ahead and remember, it's important to have someone or something to look up to. Without that, what's the point in our dreams and ambitions?

Love love.

T.x

Chapter 41: Winter is Coming...

For those of you reading the blog title and thinking, "What the? Winter has just finished?" Then you need to get a clue and get on Game of Thrones! Remember how I had an addiction with Lost? And True Blood... and Breaking Bad. Well this is my new one. I have been wanting to get into it for ages but I couldn't as I am a Virgin customer and therefore, I don't have Sky Atlantic. It also wasn't on Netflix which again as you all know, I'm a big fan of. I waited it out, just in case it would magically appear but unfortunately, Netflix doesn't tend to view many HBO television series. So I looked at purchasing the box set because I got desperate... it was all people were talking about at work and I wanted in. Turns out I wasn't that desperate though. For series 1-3 on Amazon it was ranging at about £40. I wasn't willing to do that shit knowing that series 4 was about to air in the UK and HBO had signed them on for a 5th and 6th series. I COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER GOD DAMN IT! Eventually, I found a way... (I won't say how on here, but I'm sure you can guess).

So my journey began about three weeks ago and now my time consists of getting up in the morning, going to work and fantasising about getting home to watch it. The programme had me hooked from the opening credits. The soundtrack literally sends shivers down my spine every time I hear it and sometimes I watch the entire 2 minutes of credits JUST to hear the music. It goes a little something like this (if you haven't watched it, you may still have heard it) - GoT Theme Tune.

What is Game of Thrones about you say? Here's a synopsis for you:

Yeah that's right, that's Sean Bean in the picture. Bloody love him! He was enough reason for me to watch this in the first place! Anywho, Game of Thrones, AKA GoT, is about a battle between 9 families (The Stark's, Lannister's, Baratheon's, Targaryen's, Greyjoy's, Tully's, Arryen's, Tyrell's & Martell's) who all want the land of Wystereos and ultimately, the possession of the Iron Throne. Throw in a vast mix of family values, love stories, mythology and graphic war scenes and you have the perfect combination for a medieval drama.

The title, "Winter is Coming..." is the family saying belonging to The Stark's. The Lannister's have, "A Lannister Always Pays Their Debt's." And so on and so forth. As a woman I love looking at all the beautiful costumes, the dresses, the hair styling. I mean, it's kind of out of this world... it must take AGES to do the styling. Take a look at these:

 

Daenerys Targaryen. Her beauty offends my eyes. 

Cersei Lannister. Bitch that must have taken AGES to do that fro!

However, as a Tomboy I love watching the action scenes, the gore and hearing some good ol' bad ass dialogue. My FAVOURITE character is this dude:

Lord Tyrion Lannister, also known to many as "The Imp". The most sarcastic and clever character in the whole show who spends the majority of his time insulting people and paying for sex. Now, when I first seen him, I just thought he was quite a funny character, but as time has gone on I have developed a wee crush on him! I know if he existed in real life we would eat lots, drink plenty and have a right laugh. He's basically the type of guy I'd love to be able to go up the pub with! 

Now a lot of people I know who haven't watched the programme say, "Oh but doesn't it have a lot of sex in it?" Yes it does. But if you know your HBO, you'll know that about 99% their shows contain a lot of sexual content. Sex and The City (clue is in the title folks), True Blood, Girls. The list goes on. Let's just say this show has the perfect combination of violence, sexual content, bad language, humour and drama. 

The one thing that has really narked me about this show (because pretty much everyone I know is into it) are the spoilers. I avoid the internet as much as I can when it comes to stuff like this and if anyone spoils shit for me, I get kind of angry. Someone I know actually ruined the beginning of Season 4 for me by revealing what had happened on... a Facebook status. I'm not being funny, it's all good and well avoiding actual websites that give away the plot, but silly dipshits doing it on Facebook is another thing. Their response was, "Well don't go on Facebook." Now, Facebook is a medium where you share what's on your mind, hence your status saying, "What's on your mind?" in grey font before typing. Now if the forefront of your mind is telling you to ruin a show that everyone is watching at the moment and not everyone is as far on as you, well, you're a knob. (If you're reading this, you know who you are). 

RANT OVER. Point is, this show is definitely worth a watch and I have tried my best to sell it to you as much as I can without giving too much away. Ladies, if you still need convincing, here are a few of the men you get to drool over:

 Jamie Lannister.

 Robb Stark.

Jon Snow.

Sold? Thought so. If you are planning to watch it, don't plan - just do it! If you are currently watching it, say as far as Series 3 Episode 7, I'd love to know your thoughts on the programme on here, Facebook or tweet me, @triciabaxter. If you are any further, please DON'T contact me. Cheers!

Big love.

T. x

Chapter 40: Lenten Promises and Easter Shenanigans

I just want to start this blog off by saying a MASSIVE thank you to all the team at my Sister's work place. Alumwell Junior School put together a non-uniform day and raised a whopping £180 for our Race for Life in July! We are so grateful to all of their support in the last week and this has just egged us on even more. My Sister's and I have been training and so far doing really well. Race for Life is a fantastic event that is organised every year through Cancer Research UK. Such a worthy cause and we know our Mammy would be so thankful and touched by everyone that has helped us out so far. This is for her and everyone out there who is affected by Cancer - there WILL be a cure one day. Xxx

Well for Chapter 40, I thought it was only right to write about Lent and the things we give up for 40 days and 40 nights. A time where we fast ourselves from the things we are most reliant and dependent on. This could be cigarettes (if you're feeling ambitious), fizzy drinks... for me, this is chocolate. Now, I know you all may think this is a generic thing to do... "Oh what should I give up this Lent... Oh I know! Chocolate!" Wrong. For me, this has been a massive test. You may think I sound dramatic, but I assure you, everything I am about to say is the truth. I can't go a day without having chocolate. I actually get headaches if I don't eat the stuff. Heck, I've even had a spout of the shakes during this period without it. I have a major sweet tooth. I have had savory things like crisps to fill the void, but nothing has come close. You know when they say, "What would you chose? Chocolate or sex?" My answer is chocolate. Every... single... time. The same couldn't be said for Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 nights (2002) however.

Matt (Josh Hartnett) decides to become celibate for the 40 days of Lent after going through rough break up with a long term girlfriend. He came up with this genius idea after he went to confessions to speak to his Priest who just so happens to be his brother. His brother and just about everyone he knows doubts him every way as he is known to be a bit of a Lothario with the ladies. After every one giving him a hard time (and trying to crack his celibacy) he comes across another obstacle - meeting a new girl. Trouble is, she doesn't know anything of his Lenten promise... but can he go the entire 40 days?

As we all know, a Lenten promise can be hard to keep. But how much different is it from keeping a regular promise? I'm Catholic, so I try to do this every year as part of my own Lenten promise to my faith. I also suffer from this thing called "Catholic Guilt". So in essence, I'm very shit at lying. Many years I have tried and failed at giving up different things for Lent, as I'm sure many others have, but this doesn't mean we are bad people. If anything, it means we are only human. However one year I tried to give up carbs, which was clearly a selfish act as I was wanting to drop a few pounds - it didn't work. Many years I have thought about giving up alcohol, but again, this would also never work as my Birthday usually falls into Lent. I can't POSSIBLY go out for my Birthday and enjoy it without alcohol, could I?! Again, a selfish act. Okay okay! I hold my hands up! I have failed EVERY year at giving up something. This one time (at bandcamp) I gave up chocolate and still ate Cocoa Pops because it wasn't technically chocolate... who was I kidding?! Then again, I was only 12.

You're probably questioning my point and thinking, hold on, Lenten promises are not the same as normal promises to a family member or friend. I agree. A promise to a family member or friend is much more important. So when someone says, "Promise me you won't tell." You HAVE to keep it. That's my view. Which is why it's so easy to not stay off chocolate completely, because who can make you feel bad other than yourself? You chose to believe what you believe, therefore if you don't follow a Lenten promise, you will have failed yourself (and God) and no one else. No one else gives a shit if you have a sliver of chocolate behind closed doors. For myself it's a question of will power. It is known that on a Sunday, you are allowed to have the thing you have given up for Lent. It's true - Google it! But the personal battle for me and something I have said a few times to myself, "If I can't give up chocolate, I can't do anything." My Sister let out a giggle when I said this but she and everyone I know is proud I've done because they all know how much I love chocolate (I'm surprised I didn't go to rehab). It is something I indulge in the most and I only have 5 more days left until I can scoff my face with the Twirl Easter egg I have hidden underneath the stairs.

Not only will I be excited to do this, but it is also Bank Holiday Weekend, AKA a massive excuse to get wrecked on a Sunday night and not have to face the hangover at work on Monday morning - one of the best feelings in the world. Something I like to do now that I don't work in retail. Mind you being hungover in retail was probably the only thing that got me through doing a weekend shift back in the day. My friend referred to this upcoming weekend as, "A religious holiday that has turned into a long binge weekend culture." Two words - true dat. For me it will be a celebration of being reunited with chocolate - my one true love.

I would love to hear if any of you have kept your Lenten promises, maybe had a wee cheat day or even just known you can't do it. If so, why? If you have kept your promise, have you found it as hard as me? Contact in the usual places on the back of here, Facebook or Tweet me @triciabaxter. Whatever you have all done, I solemnly tell you all... go forth and have an awesome Easter weekend people! Eat loads, drink plenty and be sure to have dissolvable paracetamol at the ready come Monday!

Here's a bit of Heaven 17 - Temptation. Thought it would be fitting! Plus, they're fricking amazing live!

Toodle pip!
T.x

Chapter 39: James Franco & The Gripes of Internet Dating

I'm sure you have all heard the news about James Franco from last week and his flirtation with a 17 year old girl from Scotland via Instagram. The pair met when the girl, Lucy Clode, went to see his Broadway show, Of Mice and Men and Lucy took an Instagram video of him signing autographs to which he said, "You gotta tag me in that." Lucy did and moments later, James Franco messages her asking to meet her at her hotel and even suggested booking a room, even though he knew she was 17. Of course this has caused a lot of
controversy and Lucy is not of age and well, to our knowledge she turned him down (which is crazy to me, 'cause he's obviously a major babe). I have to admit though, I am a little bit in love with the bloke ever since this situation occurred. I thought he was a good looking actor before, but since following him on Instagram he really is quite hilarious and he does soooo much more than acting. He's an artist, a teacher, a writer, a director AND  a model; there just aren't enough hours in the day for Mr. James Franco. Not only that, but he went on the show, 'LIVE with Kelly and Michael', to discuss the whole scandal. The conversation went like this:

Michael: We understand that you have been in the news this morning and it's something that you wanted to address, so...

James: Well I mean, I just didn't, you know, I'm just feeling awkward you know I didn't wanna come on the show and just... feel awkward, so err... yeah I mean I guess, you know I'm embarrassed. I guess I'm just a model of how social media is tricky. You know it's a way people meet each other today. But what I've learned I guess just 'cause I'm new to it, it's like, you don't know who's on the other end. You know, you meet someone in person and you know, you get a feel from them but you don't know who you're talking to and you know... so I used bad judgement and I've learned my lesson. But unfortunately in my position, I have a very good life, but not only do I have to go through the embarrassing kind of rituals of meeting someone, sometimes if I do that, then it gets published for the world so now it's like doubly embarrassing, but, anyway.

Kelly: Well I think the way you came out here and handled it is perfectly acceptable, it happens to everybody and I think it happens to, er, movie stars on a much grander scale like you just said because everybody knows who you are and I promise I will not reveal our text messages...

James: Thank you!

Obviously, Kelly was lying (I hope she was. Not that I have a shot in hell but...). The thing is James is right, it is very hard to meet someone today which is why a lot of people do result to the Internet. You can potentially be whoever you want to be with a screen and a keyboard in front of you. It is obviously very hard for a person of his status as like he said, it is published for the world to see. I'm sure people in that industry would appreciate some privacy as it is a luxury everyone should be entitled to. You can go ahead and say, 'oh but if you want to be famous, that's the cost you have to pay.' Let's not be bitchy now. If you have a talent and it results in you being famous, great, but surely you'd like to at least take a dump in private. Maybe I'm veering away from the point... anyway!

Since being single, I have enjoyed having the time to myself. In particular I'm thoroughly enjoying getting into new programmes and staying in of a weekend (snore). However a few of my friends have recommended I go on dating websites because it is a good way to meet new people and it is "fun". I use that term loosely, as I didn't particularly find it fun when I was on them. I went on Tinder for a week and it was nothing but cheesy lines and blokes that basically were full of dull, boring chat. Oddly some blokes found it strange how I was into films and had a good knowledge on them and a love for writing. It must be very rare these days to find a girl that likes to use their brain guys? Or are you just fulfilling my idea of what I already think of you? AKA, you're only on these sites to get your leg over. Safe to say I deleted that account after a week. I then went on, Plenty of Fish (also known as POF) and this turned out to be even worse. Until one guy popped up and started chatting to me with what I found to be an unconventional starting conversation. Saying how I shouldn't be on this dating site and that there were loads of weirdo's on there, to which I said there can be lots of weirdos on nights out as well. He saw my point. After experiencing the site for 24 hours, I deleted it (there's a pattern going on here) but I continued to talk to this one guy through text as we exchanged numbers - let's call him John for the purpose of this blog and his own privacy. John was a good deal older than me, but he seemed nice so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and went on a date with him. I was very nervous... I drove, he got a taxi. I had two half shandy's, he had 6 pints, I drove him home. Now, from your point of view, do the roles appear to have reversed a bit? I haven't dated for a while, but I was expecting him to maybe pick me up and have a civilised evening rather than a bender? Anyways, I dropped him home and the awkward moment of saying goodbye was drawing near. I said I had a good night (it was average) he reciprocated with the same response, but with a stare that felt like it was lasting an eternity. Was he actually expecting a kiss from me? I kissed him on the cheek, he kissed mine, and then he gave me ANOTHER longing stare (you're not getting a snog mate, take the hint!). SO, when I got home, I text to say I had a nice evening and that it was nice to meet him, he text the following morning saying the same. I didn't reply. The next day whilst I was at work, I felt he thought the date went a lot better than what I thought, but I had to be honest and tell him how I felt. I thought he was a nice enough guy, but I wasn't really looking for anything (which was what I established in the beginning and no, this doesn't mean I'm just looking for your definition of "fun", men). He was very nice and understanding, but I couldn't help but feel really bad about the situation.

The following week I had a message from my friend with an image attached. It was a picture of John at our local pub saying, "Is this your date?" I said, "Yeah it is." She said how he was alone at the bar drinking which was when I started to feel even worse. Poor John all alone at the bar... "Oh no." Said my friend, "spoke to soon. A blonde lady has just met him and they're now hidden away in a corner." I laughed... hard. How dare I feel bad about the whole situation? I was at home at this stage with my friend and we even contemplating going there for dinner. I said no, I'm going to play a little game here... so I text him. I asked how his week had been and you know what he did? He replied an hour and a half later saying he had just woken from a nap. LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE! I ask you all, why lie? I didn't want anything from it anyway, but what was the point in lying? This just confirmed he was on a date because he wouldn't have felt the need to lie otherwise. He could have still said, "Oh I'm at the pub, you had a good week?". UGH. So the texting continued... "Oh no, sorry to wake you, hope you're not working too hard. I've just been to the pub with my friends." FYI he knows where he was is my local pub... poor form on his part. He even suggested this as a date to me and I even told him no because it's my local and I go there enough (sometimes you like a different scene). However, my little 'I'm going to get you shaking in your boots' text did not work as he avoided what I said. In the next text I even said I went to the pub he was in. Again, this didn't phase him.

So... it is safe to say I have learned my lesson as well as Franco. You just don't know who is on the other end when you speak to people on the internet. Don't get me wrong, I know many people who have met over the internet and even got married, which is great for them! But I just don't have the patience for it, ESPECIALLY if they're going to lie which is soooo incredibly easy to do with a screen in front of you. So guys, from now on I will meet men the old fashioned way - face-to-face. In turn I would like to think men will take a leaf out of Justin Timberlake's book who said this week of meeting his now wife, Jessica Biel:

"There was nothing starry about the way we got together. I did it the old fashioned way - by telephone. That's something I learned from both my stepdad and my grandfather - that there is a thing called chivalry and it doesn't have to die with the birth of the Internet. The way  I see it, if you;re asking a girl out on a date, it's only right to do it in a way that she can hear your voice. I had to be pretty persistent in order to get her to say yes. But, if I want something I stick to it. And in the end she agreed." 

You can read more celebrity hook up stories by clicking here and if I do decide to go back on the Internet, I will have a body like Cameron Diaz, legs like Gisele Bundchen and an ass like J-Lo.

James Franco, I salute you! Keep us smiling with your funny and uplifting Instagram posts! If you all have an opinion on this weeks blog you KNOW I love to here them. Just message me on here, Facebook or Twitter (@triciabaxter)

I'll finish this off with a bit of Disclosure - White Noise.

Much love,
T.x

P.S. Thank you all SO much for donating to mine and my sister's Race for Life page. We appreciate all of the support so much! We will be running this race in memory of our beautiful Mammy, for everyone else who has lost someone to Cancer and for all the Cancer sufferers out there who are fighting a great battle. If you still haven't donated and would like to, please visit out page at www.justgiving.com/jennys-girls. Thank you! Xxx

Chapter 38: Limitless

First of all I want to start by saying a few things. I just want to say thank you to everyone who read my blog last week, I had a massive response to the 'No Makeup Selfie' campaign that has been circulating and it was really great to hear everyone's opinion on the matter. However, I can't stress enough about the negative comments people are passing. There is just not room for it. I read an article earlier about the zero correlation between no makeup selfie's and women with cancer; they're right, there isn't. However, the person in question implied the campaign is emphasising that a woman wearing no makeup is the same pain as a woman with cancer. This is outrageous to me as this clearly isn't what the campaign is implying. Might I also add that the person forgot to mention about 'Movember', where men grow moustaches in the month of November to raise awareness for men who suffer from prostate cancer and other male related cancers. Can I just add that some men with cancer can't even grow any hair after going through chemotherapy and radiotherapy, so you could say there is no correlation between the two of them either? They are both great campaigns that raise awareness and money, might everyone simply get over this, stop veering away from the point and see the good it is bringing? You can read the article I am talking about here.
It's great to see that more and more people are doing their bit for charities, both small and large. My sisters and I have been looking at Macmillan charity events to take part in in the summer as this charity is very close to our hearts.

Another thing I want to say is I hope you all had a lovely Mother's Day last Sunday. I see there are a few new Mummies on my Facebook and I just want to say a massive congratulations to you all! Mother's day was extremely hard on my family and I as it was also my Mammy's Birthday, she would have been 63. It's days like last Sunday that not only remind you of what amazing Mother's you have, but it also opens your eyes to the amount of people who don't have a Mother. One thing I'm certain of, she wasn't far away from us and we all raised a glass to her and remembered all the love, support and laughter she brought to our lives. She really was and still is one in a billion xxx.

The theme of my blog this week is about your own limitations. How much must we push ourselves in order to get complete happiness and satisfaction? Is it until we have the dream body we have always wanted? The dream job? The dream man/woman? How much pressure are we going to put on ourselves until we say, "yep, that'll do." We all do it. Constantly pushing ourselves to do things we have always wanted. I know I put myself under a lot of pressure and I'm quite hard on myself. I've been like this since no age. In school I would push myself to do my homework on time and to revise thoroughly until I got the grades I wanted. If I didn't get the grade I wanted, I'd retake it. If I made a mistake on a written essay I wouldn't use tippex to correct it. I would rip it up and start from the beginning (call that OCD if you want, 'cause you're probably right). The reason for this is because one time in Year 7, I forgot to put a piece of homework to complete in my homework diary. My friend from Ireland came over to visit and I was really excited to see her, so I genuinely forgot. When I came to class the next day Miss. Thomas (that's right I've just named and shamed the bitch) made me stand up in front of the whole class, brought me to the front of the room and shouted at me, "WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK?!" My excuse was, "I'm sorry Miss, I forgot." - original I know. She didn't buy it. When I apologised profusely and said I would do it and bring it in tomorrow, this wasn't good enough. She wanted me to feel guilty and basically, mentally punished me. She obviously thought I was a rebel or sorts, but she didn't know me very well clearly. From that day on, I NEVER missed a piece of homework. This resulted in me being called a geek, ha! I didn't care though, I'm not the type of person who could walk into an exam and not need to pick up a book. I need to pick up that book and read some of the pages twice over for it to even register - I'm a faux geek. 

My goal at the moment? I want abs. End of. So why isn't it simple? Last week I went for my fourth run in four days, but this time my sister wasn't accompanying me, so the pressure was on. Usually if I have someone with me I keep a good pace. This time I had downloaded some good running TOONS and I was good to go. I started off running down my road and the cold air was hitting my lungs hard. I got to the bottom of the road and as I ran across, a drunk man puking his guts up suddenly came in my vision (it was dark). I almost stopped to ask if he was okay, but he was blates drunk and what the heck could I do, really?! So I carried on. I must have been going faster than usual because when I stopped I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it home. I fell extremely ill and why? Because I pushed myself too hard (and by the looks of the drunken man, so did he). I think I pushed myself passed my limit. Safe to say I had a break for the rest of the week. I went for a run last night to the EXACT same point where I stopped and fell sick and I honestly could have carried on. Have I gone past my limit? Can I run a marathon now?! No. But I can do better!

When I'm not trying to get abs (haha), I'm thinking about what my next move is. The next move for me begins 2015 when I go travelling. After that I will think about my next move and then maybe after that I will actually try and get a career under my belt?! Not sure what that will be as I'm not sure what I love enough to want to make a career out of it? I've been putting myself under pressure for the past couple of years because I feel like I'm stuck in a bubble. Everyone else is growing up, they have a career, a marriage, children. The truth is, I don't want that yet. I do one day, but not yet. I'm 26... and what the hell am I doing? I'm taking things a baby step at a time, that's what.

Do you put yourself under pressure and if so, what for? Is it for yourself or anyone else? Is it to say to others, "Well, I've done this, this and this." Or is it to tick off your own personal Bucket List? Are you pushing yourself for yourself, or because other people expect something of you? I can honestly say it's easily to be influenced by both and that's fine. Look at Bradley Cooper in the film, Limitless (2011).

A film about an out of work writer and a dead beat according to his newly ex-girlfriend, Eddie (Bradley Cooper), is introduced to pills that enhance his personal performance in every way. His brain can absorb literally everything he reads and watches. His efforts don't go unnoticed by his ex and there literally are no limits to his abilities. However, his ex isn't the only person to notice his efforts and things start to go drastically downhill when the guys behind the drug come after him.

I think anyone who has a pulse would try out these pills, even if they don't condone drugs. After all, wouldn't you want to read a book in 10 minutes, or be able to go to Japan and speak the language fluently? Truth is we can do all of the above, but it all takes time. Time we all have, but we don't THINK we have or just don't have the patience for. For example, "I want to go for a run tonight, but I've got to cook the dinner, do a few loads of washing." Excuses after excuses. Yes we all have limits, but how do we know what they are unless we try? We need to make time for ourselves... it's okay to be a bit selfish every now and then.

Hope you all enjoyed this weeks blog and again, please let me know your thoughts at the usual places on the back of here is you have a Google account, Facebook or Twitter.

Have a great week guys! Here's my song I can't listen to on a run now because I felt sick after: Martin Garrix - Wizard

Big love.

T. x