Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Chapter 95: A Beginners Guide To Festivals

Hola Amigos!

Hope you've all had a great couple of weeks. Apologies for the delay, but I'm won't be doing blogs on a weekly basis from now on... when I find the urge to share stuff with you all, I will. Better than annoying you all every Tuesday with my bull! Ha!

This week I want to talk about Festivals! For some and not for others. But for those of you who have never been or don't think it is for you... I have to say you're missing out! Nothing better than roughing it, wearing whatever the fuck you want and not being judged because there is always some other silly fucker who looks worse, and getting up in the morning to a can of lager - pure bliss! You never seem to get a hangover either?

This blog will be solely directed at people who have never been, but mainly ladies as I would say the experience is less comfortable for women in a lot of cases. So as we are coming to the end of Festival season, and Reading/Leeds is this weekend... here are 10 things you need to consider when you go to a Festival:
  1. The toilet. Now... You have portaloos and you have long drops - both are fucking dreadful, but the latter more so. When going to both, make sure you have your own toilet roll/baby wipes with you, there will more than likely be none when you go in there and unless you want to drip dry (WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO?!), bring some backup.
  2. Bring a fleece for the night time - no matter how hot it will be in the day, you will without a doubt, freeze your tits off at night.
  3. Bring shorts - these will be your saviour. It will more than likely be dirty, it will more than likely rain, you will give zero fucks if your legs are out. You will however if you are wearing skinny jeans and they are sticking to you and you stink more than you already do.
  4. Do NOT bring skirts, especially is you are short and are likely to be sitting on someones shoulders. I don't think I need to explain anymore.
  5. Playsuits - GREAT idea for a concert where there are secure toilets in an Arena. Bad idea if you are going to a Festival. It means if you are desperate for the toilet, you need to strip down to your undies (or if you're not wearing any, whatever) and risk some drunken fucker barging in on you, with a queue full of people watching, naked... on a loo... doing your business. NO.
  6. A shewee. Sounds fucking revolutionary, right? No. Ladies, we always talk about how amazing it would be to just take a wee wherever we want like men and not have to worry. The shewee is invented to do the same for women. But let's face it... is there a dignified way to get your nunny out and cup some cylinder on to it so you can piss in public? Steward, direct me to the long drops please, mate.
  7. We all know how great it is to get pissed and dance like fools to your fave band. But FYI don't get too pissed - you will forget the whole the experience and SEVERELY regret it. I did that when I went to see Foo Fighters and got that drunk I had one of my Converse boots pulled off me and chucked into the mosh pit. Goner.
  8. Try not to big up your favourite band too much... I went to Reading in 2012 to see The Cure and ended up falling to sleep. They didn't interact with the audience ONE bit! I also went to see Ian Brown at V in 2005. The couple in front of us said they seen him 5 times he was that good. Tthey even left after a few songs. We persevered and then legged it to The Prodigy just in time to catch Out of Space. Best 5 minutes, EVER! Can't find a Live vid from them then, but here they are performing it at Milton Keynes.
  9. If you have an old shitty phone - take it. You don't want to lose your iphone - not worth it.
  10. Don't take shit loads of photos and actually miss what you have paid £300 to do. If you want to look at pictures and videos, that's what the Internet's for. Make the most of the experience and embrace it!
  11. Take a rain mac and wellies... probably about the only practical thing I have mentioned in this list! Ha!
  12. Here's an added bonus - take talc instead of dry shampoo. It's fresher, smells nicer and less itchy. Also, you are risk of getting one that is specific to hair colour and you won't realise until you have brown shit running down your head. Can you tell this happened to me with brunette dry shampoo?
Hope that's been useful. I really think you need to go to a Fest at least ONCE in your life - such a great experience. If you have anymore tips or any awkward Festival stories to share, please contact me in the usual places on the back of here, visit my Facebook or Tweet me @triciabaxter. Here's my fave song from one of the best acts I have seen Live - ENJOY!

Have a good one peeps!
Big love.

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