Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Chapter 100: All For You

Hi All,

As this is my last blog post, firstly, I just want to say a massive thank you to you all for supporting me over the past two years writing this. My Sister and friends sharing my posts on Facebook weekly and in turn, getting recognition and thanks for all I have had to contribute - so thank you :).

The main person I want to thank is my Mammy, without her love for my blog I wouldn't have carried it on. It was two years yesterday since she passed away. When I began this blog, I was lying on my bed looking outside my bedroom window one night. I was contemplating life and just how precious it is and especially with everything my Mammy was going through battling Bowel Cancer. But also, how I felt like I was in a bit of a funk. You all know about the struggle I had to get a job in Media after graduating from University as I have talked (moaned) about it plenty of times on here. So, I took charge. I thought, I'm going to grab the bull by the horns, write down my feelings and share it with the world. Never in a million years did I think people would actually enjoy reading it and relate my feelings.

I (like I'm sure many others do) talk about doing things and wanting to achieve things in life, but always make up excuses as to why I can't or probably won't ever do it. Since losing my Mom, my absolute rock and the one person I would turn to for everything, it has been a real case of fight or flight. The only option for me is to fight - because that is exactly what she did. She fought to the bitter end and always held her head high. If I could be half the woman she was, well I would feel like I achieved massively in life. When I told my Mammy about me writing a blog, she was so happy for me. When I was unemployed and I got rejected repeatedly from job interviews she was so upset for me and prayed constantly that I would get a job. When I finally got a call to say I got a job, she was watching my reaction and jumped up and down with Dad with massive smiles on their faces! Two years after when I decided to do this, I told her about and explained what I wanted to achieve from it and she of course she was completely on board. She was an avid reader, a real book worm. Although I'm not the best writer (I will hold my hands up and say that after 100 posts), she still enjoyed reading my thoughts. I only really carried on doing it, because I enjoyed seeing her reaction as she would read and I loved all of her feedback after. My Mammy only joined Facebook about two years before she passed. She wasn't particularly active on it but she would always share positive posts. After all, that's what we like to see and we like to feel motivated. The last post she put on her Facebook was a short story about a Father battling cancer. I can't find the story for love nor money and I have tried to locate it for days so you can all read it, but I will relay it to you. One day it was really rainy and the family decided to go outside in it as they just spoke about how they had never really went out and just had fun and danced in the rain. They all did and had such a lovely time. Unfortunately the Father was losing his battle and his child spoke about how unfair life was because of this. The Father said this and the story ended on this quote:


Here is another story I came across on the Sky website, reminding us all of the above.

The day my Mammy passed and for three days after, it completely chucked it down. To this day, I like to think that was her way of saying she was dancing in the rain. Although she lost the battle to Cancer with us, I like to think she is now winning in heaven.

My Mammy was the type of person who never spoke badly of anyone, she would listen to all your worries and she would never judge anyone. She was the best Wife, Mother and Grandmother anyone could ever ask for and always had so much love to give. She always had a zest for life, loved holidaying with my Dad and all of us. In fact one of the best holidays we had was when it was just me and her in France with her Sister and her family. If there is one thing I could definitely say about her, it was that she was the funniest person I have ever met. She was full of wit and would come out with the best one liners that it would have you rolling over laughing. She would always tell me how funny I was and how I should have been a comedienne, but all I ever thought was, "Well that's rich coming from you!" :).

You will all take a hit in life... I know this much. I have had my hit and I'm still working on moving forward. I know our angel is helping all of us to do just that. One person who I have found to be such an inspiration is Angelo Merendino. He wrote a book about his wife entitled, "My Wife's Battle With Breast Cancer." Please click on this link to read about his extraordinary story. During her illness, he took pictures of her every day to document her battle. Now he travels around the world to discuss this battle, a battle that is so prevalent with so many people around us. There is not one person I know who hasn't been affected by Cancer in some way. I hope and pray that one day soon, there will no longer be a battle and that there will be a cure. Please take a look at his story:


His story is so touching and it's hard not to feel his pain and relate to his words. To me, Angelo and Jen put life into perspective. The love they shared is something you want to aspire to have in your own life and it goes to show that even though Jen is no longer there in physicality with Angelo, the love and presence is and always will be with him. Just how me and my family feel about our own Jen.

What have I learnt from writing this blog? Well... I can really ramble on can't I? No in all seriousness... I read through some of my posts the other day and it seems that I give out a lot of advice to you all about life, what films to watch, what women think, what men think. But... Who am I to tell you all this? No matter what I say... you will all do whatever you want to in life. I really hope I haven't come across in a way which I am telling you what is the best thing to do, because you know what? I don't know what the hell to do myself. That's the beauty of life. Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. What you don't feel wise about today, you may wake up tomorrow with a clearer picture. What bothered you yesterday will make you stronger today and every day after. The mistake you make today will be the lesson you have learnt tomorrow. But hey... don't take my word for it... make that journey yourself.


Guys, once again, thank you so much for all of your support. I'll be forever grateful. This is the last post for "27 And... What The Hell Am I Doing?" It's been a journey. My last song is dedicated to my one and only. This is her song.


Over & Out.
T.x

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