Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Chapter 13: The Great British Fake Off

Have you ever gone out on a night and and said to your friends, "Let's put on a different accent tonight." I know I have. Of course it never lasts the more you drink. Mine is a Northern Ireland accent, purely because it's the only one I can do fairly okay! Scouse comes in second place. The other month me and my boyfriend were coming back from a night out in Liverpool and the Taxi driver asked where we were going. I replied, "Aye we're tekin the ney-xt ley-ft hee-re may-te." Luke turned to me and said, "What the hell?!", to which I HAD to carry on with the accent, otherwise I would have looked a fool! So why do we feel the need to change our accents? Probably because the Birmingham accent is the worst accent in the world... but why in general do people feel the need to fake something?

This can range across a BROAD spectrum of things, such as fake hair, eyelashes, teeth, boobs and now even bums?! When I go to Liverpool (my favourite city in England), I always go all out. Big hair, fake eyelashes, high heels, the lot! Don't get me wrong, I try to make an effort when I go out as I'm sure all of us do in our own way... but I think this has stemmed from an experience I had the very first time I went to Liverpool for my 21st. I planned a big weekend away with my friend Sinead and my sister and our mates. The first day, it was just Sinead and I. We had our outfits sorted and we were raring to go. But when we went shopping in the day, we couldn't help but notice the sheer level of glamour from EVERY  girl we walked past. We were pretty stunned when we saw about 10 girls walking around the town centre with massive rollers in their hair! So we took matters into our own hands and bought fake eyelashes (not much compared to rollers, I know). Later on in the night, we were ready to go! Legs out, heels on, hair curled, eyelashes glued on, extra glue in our bags just in case. We caught a taxi and this was how the conversation went:

Us: Hi Mr. Taxi driver! You okay?
Taxi driver: Yes thanks girls, you?  Where are you going?
Us: Anywhere that's good to go out

He headed straight for Concert Square....

Us: Well there are a lot of very glamorous girls in your city!

Taxi driver: Yes girls, you're gonna have to make a bit more effort, you've got stiff competition....

The silence that filled the taxi thereafter was so apparent, you could have dropped a feather and it would have sounded like a bang. So we paid the taxi driver, got out and walked to our first bar with our heads in shame. But why?! We felt glamorous going out! I think if you feel confident in yourself, then you shouldn't care about what other people think... However, that's only what I THINK. The way I am is a completely different matter as I'm sure this is the same for other women.... and not JUST women, but men too! Yes, all you men out there, I know you all want your hair to be perfect before you go out, and no doubt some of you have a cheeky spray of Aftershave in your nether region - sorry that was below the belt. I like to call all of this, showing others the best part of yourself.

Men... You all say you would prefer it if women didn't wear make-up, but you would be wrong. I'm just gonna come out and say it, I look like a ginger albino with no make-up or tan on. But there is NO way I would subject my boyfriend to this on a daily basis. Yes I wear make-up every day. Yes I tan. Yes I dye my eyebrows and eyelashes. But this is for EVERYONE'S benefit trust me. No one should be ashamed to do what they want and have their own little beauty routines to show off the best bit of them... Even if it does mean having to fake an accent because you think you would suit it more than a Brummy one ;). Don't worry though, I doubt my accent sounded as bad as this:

I'd love to know what you have done to change yourself for the better! If not for anyone else, but for yourself! I have chopped off my hair tonight by the talented Katie Stead I spoke of last week and it feels SH-AMAZING! ;). Just Facebook, Tweet or reply to this blog post :).

P.S. I don't know what I was so worried about with my Murder Mystery rehearsal last week, because it went well and I felt great for it afterwards! :). I shall be going to view one very soon and shortly after I should be having my first ever performance! :).

Come back for more next week lovelies!

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