Chapter 100: All For You

Hi All,

As this is my last blog post, firstly, I just want to say a massive thank you to you all for supporting me over the past two years writing this. My Sister and friends sharing my posts on Facebook weekly and in turn, getting recognition and thanks for all I have had to contribute - so thank you :).

The main person I want to thank is my Mammy, without her love for my blog I wouldn't have carried it on. It was two years yesterday since she passed away. When I began this blog, I was lying on my bed looking outside my bedroom window one night. I was contemplating life and just how precious it is and especially with everything my Mammy was going through battling Bowel Cancer. But also, how I felt like I was in a bit of a funk. You all know about the struggle I had to get a job in Media after graduating from University as I have talked (moaned) about it plenty of times on here. So, I took charge. I thought, I'm going to grab the bull by the horns, write down my feelings and share it with the world. Never in a million years did I think people would actually enjoy reading it and relate my feelings.

I (like I'm sure many others do) talk about doing things and wanting to achieve things in life, but always make up excuses as to why I can't or probably won't ever do it. Since losing my Mom, my absolute rock and the one person I would turn to for everything, it has been a real case of fight or flight. The only option for me is to fight - because that is exactly what she did. She fought to the bitter end and always held her head high. If I could be half the woman she was, well I would feel like I achieved massively in life. When I told my Mammy about me writing a blog, she was so happy for me. When I was unemployed and I got rejected repeatedly from job interviews she was so upset for me and prayed constantly that I would get a job. When I finally got a call to say I got a job, she was watching my reaction and jumped up and down with Dad with massive smiles on their faces! Two years after when I decided to do this, I told her about and explained what I wanted to achieve from it and she of course she was completely on board. She was an avid reader, a real book worm. Although I'm not the best writer (I will hold my hands up and say that after 100 posts), she still enjoyed reading my thoughts. I only really carried on doing it, because I enjoyed seeing her reaction as she would read and I loved all of her feedback after. My Mammy only joined Facebook about two years before she passed. She wasn't particularly active on it but she would always share positive posts. After all, that's what we like to see and we like to feel motivated. The last post she put on her Facebook was a short story about a Father battling cancer. I can't find the story for love nor money and I have tried to locate it for days so you can all read it, but I will relay it to you. One day it was really rainy and the family decided to go outside in it as they just spoke about how they had never really went out and just had fun and danced in the rain. They all did and had such a lovely time. Unfortunately the Father was losing his battle and his child spoke about how unfair life was because of this. The Father said this and the story ended on this quote:

Here is another story I came across on the Sky website, reminding us all of the above.

The day my Mammy passed and for three days after, it completely chucked it down. To this day, I like to think that was her way of saying she was dancing in the rain. Although she lost the battle to Cancer with us, I like to think she is now winning in heaven.

My Mammy was the type of person who never spoke badly of anyone, she would listen to all your worries and she would never judge anyone. She was the best Wife, Mother and Grandmother anyone could ever ask for and always had so much love to give. She always had a zest for life, loved holidaying with my Dad and all of us. In fact one of the best holidays we had was when it was just me and her in France with her Sister and her family. If there is one thing I could definitely say about her, it was that she was the funniest person I have ever met. She was full of wit and would come out with the best one liners that it would have you rolling over laughing. She would always tell me how funny I was and how I should have been a comedienne, but all I ever thought was, "Well that's rich coming from you!" :).

You will all take a hit in life... I know this much. I have had my hit and I'm still working on moving forward. I know our angel is helping all of us to do just that. One person who I have found to be such an inspiration is Angelo Merendino. He wrote a book about his wife entitled, "My Wife's Battle With Breast Cancer." Please click on this link to read about his extraordinary story. During her illness, he took pictures of her every day to document her battle. Now he travels around the world to discuss this battle, a battle that is so prevalent with so many people around us. There is not one person I know who hasn't been affected by Cancer in some way. I hope and pray that one day soon, there will no longer be a battle and that there will be a cure. Please take a look at his story:

His story is so touching and it's hard not to feel his pain and relate to his words. To me, Angelo and Jen put life into perspective. The love they shared is something you want to aspire to have in your own life and it goes to show that even though Jen is no longer there in physicality with Angelo, the love and presence is and always will be with him. Just how me and my family feel about our own Jen.

What have I learnt from writing this blog? Well... I can really ramble on can't I? No in all seriousness... I read through some of my posts the other day and it seems that I give out a lot of advice to you all about life, what films to watch, what women think, what men think. But... Who am I to tell you all this? No matter what I say... you will all do whatever you want to in life. I really hope I haven't come across in a way which I am telling you what is the best thing to do, because you know what? I don't know what the hell to do myself. That's the beauty of life. Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. What you don't feel wise about today, you may wake up tomorrow with a clearer picture. What bothered you yesterday will make you stronger today and every day after. The mistake you make today will be the lesson you have learnt tomorrow. But hey... don't take my word for it... make that journey yourself.

Guys, once again, thank you so much for all of your support. I'll be forever grateful. This is the last post for "27 And... What The Hell Am I Doing?" It's been a journey. My last song is dedicated to my one and only. This is her song.

Over & Out.
T.x

Chapter 99: A Guide To Getting Over It

Hey All,

Hope you have all had a great week. I just want to start off by saying thank you all so much for reading my post last week and having such a great response to it. I had so much positive feedback and I'm glad that what I said touched you all in some way. I think we have all experienced times where we have been frustrated at why things don't seem to be working out well for us, but like I say, timing brings everything; it heals, it tests our patience and in the long haul, brings us everything we could have ever imagined and more. So once again, thank you for reading! It means so much to me :).

As this is my penultimate blog post, I want to talk about another thing we have all had to go through at some stage or another in our lives, and that is a break up. Let's face it, break ups are a bitch. The daunting gut feeling that the relationship may well be coming to an end. The feeling that maybe you don't want it to come to an end and that you will have no say in the other person's decisions. The having to break up with someone or being broken up with. The most horrible thing about it all, is the aftermath, How do you cope? How do you adjust to being on your own and facing single life once again? And ultimately, how do you pick yourself from the all time low you have just experienced? In your life, your will meet many people, some acquaintances, many friends and very few people who you would consider to be close to you. This may be a best friend and a lot of the time, your partner. 99.9% of the time, your best friend is your partner. You share and do everything with them, you live in each others pockets essentially... Sadly there are times when this comes to an end and you don't know what the hell to do with yourself thereafter.

I'm here to tell you now and I'm sure it's not the first time you're going to hear this but... you WILL be fine. Whether the relationship ended on mutual terms or a Doctor Foster situation occurred, although it may not seem it at the time, but worse things happen in life and bigger hurdles will come your way. It's times like these that make you a much stronger person and as my Aunt always says, "Just put it under 'E' for 'Experience' in your big book of life."

It's a hard thing to do, but try to focus on getting yourself back on track. I have tried to be friends with exes in the past and sadly this just isn't an option with longevity. In the beginning it is fine if the relationship ended amicably, but there's always the fact that you share a lot of history and there will always be bitterness if one or the other starts a new relationship with someone else. I'm not saying be rude and ignore the person if you ever see them again, but this is a big first step of moving on. Don't be a bitter pill. With every opportunity you get to see your ex again (and this is applicable to many other situations, maybe with a friend you fell out with), smile at them and ask how they're doing? You may or may not want to do this, but it is best to do it and bite the bullet. Say, "Oh hi, Mr. Ex! How are you keeping? What are you up to these days?" Say you're glad they are doing good, wish them well and be on your way. I guarantee you will feel so much better for this. Yeah you may be shaking like a leaf even talking o them, but I can assure you, you will walk away with a smile on your face and feeling like the bigger, better person.

What happened between you and that person, is between you and that person. There is no need to divulge to others the ins and outs and the whys and why nots? That is unless you are telling your family and the friends you want to explain it to after. An imperative part of looking forward is to not look back. People make mistakes and you may regret arguments and disagreements you had with that person, but it is in the past. Learn from the mistakes you made because they won't happen in the next relationship you have I can assure you that much.

When I say try to focus on yourself, I mean it. Do whatever you can to take your mind off the matter. Make plans with family, go to the gym and listen to some music, watch a television series or a film, go out with friends, book holidays, even write your feelings down. But most importantly, do not bottle things up because this does no good. Talk to your loved ones - that's what they are there for. To be a shoulder when you need it for support and an ear to lend when you want to natter on about the same thing you could well be talking about for months, or even years. I know I'm telling you all ways in which to move on but you can forgive and never forget. You won't forget that one person you felt that got you completely, or the way in which they hurt you or you hurt them. The only thing you can do, is learn, look forward and work on being a better version of yourself for that special someone that is waiting for you. It may not have worked out with you ex, but they are your ex for a reason. We all have a path in life. Sometimes we divert, sometimes we fall, but we ALWAYS get back on track.

I hope you all relate to this post as much as you did last week and I hope you all have a great week ahead.

Peace & Love.
T.x

Chapter 98: Trust The Timing Of Your Life

Please remember, everything happens for a reason. That job you didn't get that you were gunning for. That relationship you wanted so desperately to work but it didn't. That top you wanted but they had no more left in your size.

It's very easy to think negatively about the things you wanted so bad but it never happened for you. But remember that every opportunity that you hoped would happen and it never did, comes something else that you never expected and you know what? It's always so much better than you ever imagined. With every job you applied for and never got, a different opportunity will arise. With every relationship you wanted to work with what you thought was that special someone, someone else walks into your life and you can't picture your life without them. And with every top you wanted and you couldn't find your size, just think... you were not meant to buy that top. You were meant to save that money for something else more necessary to you. The money you would have spent on that top was meant to be spent on a train ticket to get you home when you were stranded in an unknown place.

I have wrote about timing before in previous blogs, and I always say that everything happens for a reason. The saying is so cliché, that it even pisses me off as I say it... but I truly believe it. My friend always says, "What is meant for you won't pass you by." Again, a very true saying. If you were supposed to get that job you would have got it. You probably didn't get it because someone else had more experience than you, or maybe you had too much experience but not enough qualifications.

A couple of years ago, I almost moved to New York. I umm'd and ahh'd about it for ages, but I never went. I weighed up the pros and cons and at that time... it was't right for me. I then got a promotion at work and that was my 'meant to be' situation. I wasn't meant to go to New York at that time, because something good was coming my way. Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to live in New York - it's my favourite place in the world, but it just wasn't meant to be because the timing was wrong.

Since being single, I have been out on a few dates. Some have gone better than others. The others being completely disastrous. However, it is all experience. I don't get disheartened over it because I know my worth and the dates that haven't gone well, were not meant to. As Blair Woldorf would say:

The same goes for every job interview I had when I was unemployed. You take one beating after another and you analyse where the interview went wrong. What did you say to make the employer think you were not good enough for the role? Such as life. You can go through things over and over, but you won't get an answer. You just have to trust your gut and know that something better is coming your way. It may not be soon, it may be in a couple of months or even years... But in the meantime, try to keep positive and always improve yourself and not for anyone else, but for you. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen for you. Keep busy, do the things you enjoy, keep active, always keep learning and especially from your mistakes. But most importantly, ALWAYS... do you.

Have a great week guys and remember, what doesn't happen for you today will happen in a better form in time to come.

Big love.
T.x

Chapter 97: Your Annual 'Beauty Tips'. Courtesy Of Yours Truly...

Hola mis amigos!

I find it quite hilarious that I'm doing a blog on this as it isn't usually my forte... But I did one last year so I have more to add. After all, 12 months has past, so I feel I have gained a little more knowledge since then! So here goes...

• A few people have been asking me how I get the waves in my hair lately. My hair is naturally straight/frizzy. I'll be completely honest, I have done this since I was in secondary school and I wanted the 'scrunch' look. I go to bed with a french plait in... that's right. Nothing more to it really. I take it out in the morning and add a bit of hairspray to keep the hold and hey presto! Natural looking waves that people are convinced is your natural style...
• Eyebrows - they have been a big thing in beauty for over a year now. It seems you can't open a magazine without seeing Cara Delvigne and her eyebrows... they're... THEY'RE JUST THERE! Such amazing, thick eyebrows! I have been struggling for a while to find the right shade for my red hair, but today I went into Mac and asked what the best product was for my hair colouring. The woman was lovely and helpful and not only did she suggest I use an eyeshadow instead, but she taught me how to correctly brush on the powder with a fine structure brush. A lot of girls these day want to have the natural look, but somehow end up looking like this: This is NOT what you want. The lady told me to start from the arch of the brow and draw to into a straight line towards the ends. Afterwards, go back to the start of the brow and rather than filling it in bluntly (which I myself have been guilty of since filling in my brows), brush upwards in a straight motion towards the centre of your forehead - it looks far more natural this way!

 

• I am forever painting my nails... I have a different colour on them most weeks. However, it is very easy for your nails to get discoloured over time. Even when you file and buff them, it's actually promoting the discolouring of the nail. Many think that having a base coat is the way to avoid this, but I find putting on a white nail polish underneath is far better and it makes whatever colour you intend to put on pop out even more!
• Not only do I love painting my nails... I love having a gel/shallac on. But I went to Body Care the other day (I know, always reminds me of when I was like, 15 or something) and I had a look at their fake press on nails. I seen someone wearing them not long back and they looked like they were freshly done from the salon... Turns out they were press ons! So I bought some and oh... em... gee... they're wicked! Less hassle and no one can tell the difference (unless of course the glue is all over your fingers and you have the wrong size fake nails).
• Finally... lip liner. My actual saviour and I can't believe I never used it before?! I literally have no top lip... It's tucked away on top of my bottom lip which sure as hell isn't much bigger. My friend used a natural liner on me followed by a light pink lip gloss and it made my lips look... well, like I had some! It's coming back I'm telling you... It's quite 90's I know, but so are the big thick eyebrows everyone is after eh?

• Another must watch would be ALL of Kandee Johnson's videos. I have mentioned her a couple of years ago in this blog and she has some fantastic makeup videos, both for everyday and for costume! Take a look at her 'How To Contour Like A Contouring Artist' here:

And there we have it... my annual 'beauty' tips. Obviously we all have different tastes and styles when it comes to make-up and hair, so I would love to hear any tips you have to share! Please comment on the back of here, visit my Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Have a great week guys!
Big love.
T.x

P.S. Here's a good song to listen to whilst getting ready to go out ladies ;).

Chapter 96: Please Hold... Whilst We Push You Over The Edge

I am on a serious rampage to complain about shitty 0800/0845/0300 and the rest of these numbers who keep you on hold, for what seems like your lifetime. Raise your hand if you would rather stick a pin in your eye than listen to shitty hold music whilst you are trying to prepare yourself for a telephone battle to argue your point as to why you have been charged for something unnecessarily? I can already feel a Mexican Wave of hands raising as you read this.

I have had my fair share of hold calls in recent month's, one being from my car insurance company who not only falsely set me up to believe I have recovery cover when I had my car written off back in May, but they also proceeded to leave me feeling stressed over trying to sort out my cover and claims documents, which seemed to feel like I was being tortured. Tortured with this music nonetheless:

Little things CLEARLY don't mean a lot to you eejits!

The amount of stress my insurers put me through after my accident through phone calls alone was actually obscene. So I'm sure you will all agree with me in the following list I have provided which highlights ALLLLL the things that piss me off with unknown numbers and being on hold:

1. PPI calls - when you answer the phone to that unknown number knowing it's going to be something stupid but you answer it anyway, only to hear a long pause and an automated voice saying, "Have you been in an accident in the past 6 months?" No I fucking haven't and where on earth have you got my number from, jackass?
2. When an actual person rings you asking the above. You really don't want to be arsey, but you just can't help it and especially if you are waiting for an important call. Then you feel a little bad after because at the end of the day... it's their day job!
3. When you make a call to enquire about something minor, e.g. something to do with your phone contract, and they say, "Hi can I have your account details, your security password, your first pet's name, the exact time you grew your first pube... great. How can I help you? Oh yes that's the contract department, let me put you through...""Hi can I have you account details, your security password, your first pet's name, the exact time you grew your first pube.." WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF!! I JUST SAID ALL OF THIS, NUMB SKULL!!!!!!!
4. When they ask you to spell out your name but you have to spell it in the Phonetic Alphabet and you forget and you're like, "P for Potato, A for Arsehole, T for Twat, R for Rat's Arse, I for Icky, C for Crusty, I for Icky, A for Arsehole." And they're like, "I'm sorry I didn't get that?"
5. When they ask for your secret password and they're like "I'm sorry your secret password is that fucking secretive that YOU don't fucking know it. Call back when you do and wait in line for another 9 years."
   
6. When the automated robot that speaks to you prior to going through an adviser asks your name and you're like, "Patricia Baxter" and they're like, "Morticia Bastard?" and you're like, "PATRICIA BAXTER" and they're like "Moesha Baster?" FUCK YOU!!
7. "Hi, you can been placed on hold... let me play you some shit music in the meantime so you might jump off a cliff instead of us having to do our job and deal with your bullshit."
8. When you receive a fine (even though you actually were in your time at the car park, or did in fact pay that toll in advance) and you have to go through the whole rigmarole of going against it, but it is far quicker to call them (or so you think). Failing that, the second quickest thing to do is email (or so you think). Failing that you resort to sending the form... which then results in you missing the time when your fine would have cost £35 but now it costs £70. Might as well have sent fucking smoke signals to say "You're all robbing bastards. The End."
9. When you get a new car and the key they have given you is faulty, so you order a new one on pick up and they say it will be 2 weeks and they will drop it to your location and then 2 weeks has passed and it isn't at your location and you park outside of work at a £7 a day car park only for them not to show up 2 out of the 3 times and on the 3rd time they give you another spare key even though you have one and the original spare is now no longer configured to your car so you have to spend another 2 hours of your life on the phone to Bob demanding you get reimbursed for the several times you parked outside and they never showed ONLY for them to not even do that on time so you have to ring them again because they aren't responding to your emails... Can you tell this happened to me? And this was just to get a hoop attached to the fucking key so I could attach it to my key rings. I could have resurrected a Greek God who specialist in metal work to make me one quicker.
10. When they ask you to fill out a survey of how you found the experience and the option to say "I will never get them two hours of my life back" isn't on there...

Think Amy Schumer sums it up with this skit on her show on Comedy Central:

Let us know your 'hold' stories by responding to the back of this blog post, visiting my Facebook or tweeting me @triciabaxter. In the meantime, I think this little number suits to tone of this blog...

If only all calls went like this:

P.S. Just one more to throw in... If you're ringing up a company to complain, say, "I'm sorry can you just call my number out to me? Great can you ring me back?" Eases the pain of watching paint dry I guess...
Oh and also... If you're told you're gonna get a Teddy Meerkat... make sure you feckin get one!

I'll leave you with this:

Bizzle.
T.x

Chapter 95: A Beginners Guide To Festivals

Hola Amigos!

Hope you've all had a great couple of weeks. Apologies for the delay, but I'm won't be doing blogs on a weekly basis from now on... when I find the urge to share stuff with you all, I will. Better than annoying you all every Tuesday with my bull! Ha!

This week I want to talk about Festivals! For some and not for others. But for those of you who have never been or don't think it is for you... I have to say you're missing out! Nothing better than roughing it, wearing whatever the fuck you want and not being judged because there is always some other silly fucker who looks worse, and getting up in the morning to a can of lager - pure bliss! You never seem to get a hangover either?

This blog will be solely directed at people who have never been, but mainly ladies as I would say the experience is less comfortable for women in a lot of cases. So as we are coming to the end of Festival season, and Reading/Leeds is this weekend... here are 10 things you need to consider when you go to a Festival:

1. The toilet. Now... You have portaloos and you have long drops - both are fucking dreadful, but the latter more so. When going to both, make sure you have your own toilet roll/baby wipes with you, there will more than likely be none when you go in there and unless you want to drip dry (WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO?!), bring some backup.
2. Bring a fleece for the night time - no matter how hot it will be in the day, you will without a doubt, freeze your tits off at night.
3. Bring shorts - these will be your saviour. It will more than likely be dirty, it will more than likely rain, you will give zero fucks if your legs are out. You will however if you are wearing skinny jeans and they are sticking to you and you stink more than you already do.
4. Do NOT bring skirts, especially is you are short and are likely to be sitting on someones shoulders. I don't think I need to explain anymore.
5. Playsuits - GREAT idea for a concert where there are secure toilets in an Arena. Bad idea if you are going to a Festival. It means if you are desperate for the toilet, you need to strip down to your undies (or if you're not wearing any, whatever) and risk some drunken fucker barging in on you, with a queue full of people watching, naked... on a loo... doing your business. NO.
   
6. A shewee. Sounds fucking revolutionary, right? No. Ladies, we always talk about how amazing it would be to just take a wee wherever we want like men and not have to worry. The shewee is invented to do the same for women. But let's face it... is there a dignified way to get your nunny out and cup some cylinder on to it so you can piss in public? Steward, direct me to the long drops please, mate.
   
7. We all know how great it is to get pissed and dance like fools to your fave band. But FYI don't get too pissed - you will forget the whole the experience and SEVERELY regret it. I did that when I went to see Foo Fighters and got that drunk I had one of my Converse boots pulled off me and chucked into the mosh pit. Goner.
8. Try not to big up your favourite band too much... I went to Reading in 2012 to see The Cure and ended up falling to sleep. They didn't interact with the audience ONE bit! I also went to see Ian Brown at V in 2005. The couple in front of us said they seen him 5 times he was that good. Tthey even left after a few songs. We persevered and then legged it to The Prodigy just in time to catch Out of Space. Best 5 minutes, EVER! Can't find a Live vid from them then, but here they are performing it at Milton Keynes.
9. If you have an old shitty phone - take it. You don't want to lose your iphone - not worth it.
10. Don't take shit loads of photos and actually miss what you have paid £300 to do. If you want to look at pictures and videos, that's what the Internet's for. Make the most of the experience and embrace it!
11. Take a rain mac and wellies... probably about the only practical thing I have mentioned in this list! Ha!
12. Here's an added bonus - take talc instead of dry shampoo. It's fresher, smells nicer and less itchy. Also, you are risk of getting one that is specific to hair colour and you won't realise until you have brown shit running down your head. Can you tell this happened to me with brunette dry shampoo?

Hope that's been useful. I really think you need to go to a Fest at least ONCE in your life - such a great experience. If you have anymore tips or any awkward Festival stories to share, please contact me in the usual places on the back of here, visit my Facebook or Tweet me @triciabaxter. Here's my fave song from one of the best acts I have seen Live - ENJOY!

Have a good one peeps!
Big love.
T.x

Chapter 94: Wedding Joy & Celebrations

Hi Guys,

Hope you're all well and have had a great week :). Just want to start this blog off by saying a massive congratulations to my cousin Peter & his husband Glenn on their wedding last weekend! I'm so happy for you both and I think I speak for everyone when I say, we all had a BLAST! Thanks for inviting us all and thanks for such fond memories that we will always look back on and cherish. Hopefully this message is a bit more sentimental than the drunken one I left in your book! Love you both loads! Xxx

Weddings are such a beautiful time to celebrate two people finding each other and discovering what true love and happiness feels like. Knowing that a person has found that significant other that completes them, betters them and enhances them in every way possible. When my cousin and his husband said their speeches last weekend, I was so moved. At weddings you feel the love in the ceremony, the speeches and what better way to celebrate this than by getting together and embracing the day with the addition of alcohol, a dancefloor, and a shiny disco ball!

Now... I won't lie, I got quite merry and it's always a mixed blessing when you are tagged in photos on Facebook the next day or worse than that, people relay you the stories. What you drank, what you did, that couple of times you fell over, the list goes on! But God did I have fun. I like to think my party trick is that I'm a lightweight... Yeah no that's not my party trick. But basically ensuring everyone else is having a laugh (even if it is at my expense). That's what a celebration is for isn't it? Having fun! However, the next day isn't so fun.

It's always the way though, you start off so elegant, you feel like you've scrubbed up well from your normal everyday work attire and you are excited to see the vows and embrace the couples special day. Then... the reception begins - you know how it goes, you mingle, you're chatting away and before you know it, you've had 5 glasses of prosecco before you have even sat down to your 3 course meal where there is also unlimited amount of alcohol being filled up whilst you're munching away.

With this in mind, here's a lost of things you should NOT do as a wedding guest:

1. Drink too much when meeting the family and friends the night before. Do yourself a favour - be as fresh as you can for the big day!
2. Try to suss out who is wearing what before the wedding and do NOT wear anything similar to it. Turning up to a wedding in the same outfit is not ideal.
3. Be late - just disrespectful.
4. Turn up empty handed - not... on.
5. Look at the free bar and jump at the opportunity of having 4 Porn Star Martini's before you have had a substantial meal.
6. Relay embarrassing stories about yourself when you are on the way, only for someone to tell you the next day, "You remember what you said last night?" only for you to agree and thoroughly shake your head at the same time.
7. Write in the wedding book at the end of the night. No, just no. Make sure you grab your mitts on that book either at the beginning of the night or if you plan to drink soda water all night. Believe me, I'm talking from experience.
8. Make a show of yourself - stop trying to out do the couple. It's THEIR day, not yours.
9. If you haven't been asked to do a speech don't even try to jump in and do one.
10. Bring an extra person along who wasn't invited. Unless the invitation say "plus one", don't do it?!
11. Try and match make all the single people. We get it, it's a wedding, would be cool to say a couple met at a wedding and ended up living happily ever after. But from a single person, please don't.
12. If you've been invited along last minute and know no one, don't introduce yourself as Vince Vaughn. I've done this.

That's just a small list. Take it in and absorb it for future reference!

Anyways, I will love you and leave you! Peter and Glenn, can you get married next weekend so we can do it all over again?! :D.

Do any of you have any weddings coming up? What's your most memorable wedding guest stories? Let me know on the back of here, visit my Facebook page or tweet me @triciabaxter.

And one more thing, try to avoid Karaoke if you know this might happen:

Big love

T. x

Chapter 93: #EsthersHenYork2015

So last weekend was the arrival of my Sister's Hen weekend! Or as all of us were calling it, #EsthersHenYork2015. As you can guess, we went to York! I have been planning this along my my eldest Sister, Laura, since October 2014... but it was so worth all the early planning and organisation! Anyone that knows me, knows I am a little bit lazy... Don't get me wrong, if I go away I make sure I have everything in order... but maybe an hour before the taxi picks me up. I thought it would be best if I started the orgnising early so that I can get a better insight into what it takes to plan a Hen Do. Laura has done and has gone to plenty in her time. The only other Hen I had ever been to was Laura's in Edinburgh back in 2007, which was around the time I first discovered binge drinking. Let me tell you... I was well out of my depth with Laura and her mates. Just as I thought we were getting off the plane to go home, someone shouted, "SHALL WE GO TO THE BELL THEN?" (Our local pub back home). I near shat myself. All I wanted to do was go home, be sick and go to sleep by this stage - I felt battered. However, it really is true what they say... Hare of the Dog is ALWAYS the solution. Feeling hanging?  Have a beer. Wanna be sick? Have a beer. Want some food? Fuck dat shiza... Have a beer. Gonna shit yourself? Hold it in... HAVE A BEER! (Okay I have never experienced the last one, but I'm sure someone has).

So I began planning this by searching for some decent Hen organising websites and found www.ukgirlthing.co.uk who also do a site for men called www.gentsevents.co.uk . They had some really decent reviews and some great events to plan for how ever long and wherever you are staying away. My Dad told me that York was beautiful and every time him and Mammy went there, they always seen so many Hen Do's, so  I figured this would be the perfect location! I organised for us to do a Murder Mystery on the first night, Cocktail making the second day and then on to some bars and clubs and bars later on! I thought Murder Mystery would be perfect for Esther (us Baxter girls have always loved to do acting). I thought that mixed with alcohol and a bunch of fun loving girls... PERFECT recipe for a good night. Ii organised a mini bus as this was the best and cheapest option for us all to get pissed up on the way! This picked us up from our local at 10.30am where we started off like this:

The theme  for the urder Mystery was "Hen Do" - I was confused when I first heard this... but this was the character list my party organiser gave me:

Cruella De Vile

Vicky Bollard

Maria Slapperallover

Joanna "Patsy" Lovely

Lady Gargle

Lauren Coupon

Dolly Pardon

Davina McCallgirl

Lindsay Lowhanded

Demi Moron

Jane "Bubble" Horricks

Jennifer Edina Saunders

Her Majesty the Queen

Paula Ranovercliff

 

We were IMMEDIATELY all over this idea. We had our names picked out of a hat to decide who would be who and well, here's a little sneak preview of what we all looked like in one photo:

This night was SOOOO much fun. The two people who conducted the night were so funny and made us all feel at ease and we all soon got into our characters. They pretty much through you into the first scene so you have no choice but to get into the swing of it. Th idea was that we were al on a cruise ship and Cruella DeVile's (Esther) Ffiance had been thrown over board by one of us (all of which had an affair with Adam, haha). Very funny but... it was hard to act whilst you're drunk! 

So the next day... we were severely hungover... As expected. To which my Sister's friend said, "You know what you need? A beer." So I powered through and had a pint - it made me feel better! We went to Revolution Bar to do Cocktail making and it was such a laugh! We made Woo Woo's, Mojito's, the list goes on! So we were defintiely NOT short of alcohol... Not only this, but we were booked in for our own private seating area reserved for the afternoon along with pizza and nibbles - perfection! Safe to say we had a stonking day! 

 

So the night time came and this was the only part of the Hen that Esther was completely unaware of... the theme Laura and I came up with was The Wizard of Oz. This is one of Esther's favourite movies of all time! So we got her a Dorothy outift and the rest of us decided to go as other character's from the film. We had myself and Laura as The Cowardly Lion, we had a few Glinda's, Wicked Witches and... well... here we are!

 

We had such a fun night full of wine, Jager, dance off's with strangers and dare cards! One of which was "Rub your face in a hairy man's chest."........ this happened........ TWICE! Haha!

All and all, this was one of the best weekends we have all had in ages, and most improtantly my beautiful Sister and Bride to Be, Esther. It was an emotional weekend and special someone was never far from mine and my Sister's minds. We know our angel was with us having a little glass of wine and celebrating with us :) xxx.

Here is the anthem of our weekend which pretty much played every day we were there:

Let me know about any Hen or Stag's you have been on or ornganised yourself! Why did you choose the places you went and most importantly, what were your messy stories you'd like to share?! Let me know on the back of here, Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Big love peeps,

T.x

Chapter 92: Translation: WTF?

They say English is the most difficult language to learn; I would have to disagree. The most difficult language to learn, is that of the opposite sex. I don't think many would disagree. Women are complex creatures... I can say that because I am one. However, men, you all don't make arguments easy. Women don't mean what they say 95% of the time, whereas men are quite literal with their words. Basically men and women get lost in translation on a day to day basis because of our expectations...

So I am going to give a few examples of classic examples of how men don't understand women when they say one thing but really mean another:

1.       When we say, “I’m fine” it really means one of the following:

“No. No I’m not fine.”

Or

“No. No I’m not fucking fine you silly prick.”

2.       When we say, “What would you like for dinner?” and men say, “I don’t mind.” We are thinking, “Well you should fucking mind, I’m making you your dinner and that’s something pretty special right there.  Unless you want a soggy Iceland ready meal, in which case I will happily whip that sleeve off and shove it up your…”

3.       When we say, “I want to go to go out tonight. Where shall we go?” And you say, “I don’t mind.” Please just get rid of that from your boring book of one liner’s, fellas.  

4.       When we say, “Look I’m done, don’t text me again now.” We basically mean let me cool off for an hour and if I don’t get a text saying, “I love you and I’m sorry...” then shit is about to get real.

5.       When we talk highly about a celebrity and say “she’s so pretty…” and you guys follow on by saying, “YEAH SHE’S WELL FIT! I WOULDN’T MIND GIVING HER ONE!” Please expect a swift punch in the ball sack afterwards. We don’t care if you agree or say, “she’s nice but… not my type.” But for the love of God, don’t make us feel shite about ourselves unintentionally. We also don’t give a shit if you think this about celebs or talk like that about them with your mates, just don’t vocalise it to us!

6.       I’m fed up of hearing you men talk about us mockingly by saying, “Does my ass look big in this?” Who the fuck says that these days? Most women are like, “Does my arse, belly, legs, toes look fat in this?” To you should ALWAYS respond, “NO!”

7.       When you guys say, “What’s your problem? You on your period?” Yes as a matter of fact, I am. GTFOI. Translation: Get the fuck over it.

8.       When we say, “Can you take the bin out please?” and you say, “Yeah I will in a minute.” Dude, just fucking do it now and make life easy on yourself.

9.       When you say, “I’ve just gone up the pub for a couple…” And you come back 6 hours later… consider the sofa your new cosy cot.

10.   And I can't forget, the ever so classic… Man: How long will you be? Woman:  5 minutes. 35 minutes later…  :)

However... When all is said and done, women and men will forever be this way. It doesn't matter if we are passive aggressive, or argumentative... we may think we are fed up with it, but would we be without this? No. Women will forever overanalyze and men will forever say what they mean.

Or maybe not...

Let us know your thoughts on the back of here, visit my Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Have a great week guys and dolls.

T.x

Chapter 91: XXL

Hola peeps!

Well I haven't done this for 2 weeks - been very busy and went on holiday last week to Morocco and London! Was fantastic! I only went to Morocco for a few days but the weather was gorgeous and I had brilliant company! :). I have also joined the gym, got to get Bridesmaid ready for October, so I thought what better way than to get some abs! I'm kidding, I don't think I have any under my spare tyres... but it's worth a go!

So a few of you will recognise where this week's title has come from... yes that's right ladies, MAGIC MIKE! *insert love heart eyes emoji*. Where do I begin? I'll give you a synopsis of the first instalment:

Starring Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey, Dallas (McConaughey) is heading a lucrative business in the male entertainment industry where Mike (Tatum) is his leading star. Along with other male strippers (Alex Pettyfer, Joe Maganiello, Matt Bomer, Adam Rodriguez & Kevin Nash), they are all set for stardom when they plan to branch out worldwide. However, the sequel, XXL, see's that changes have happened within the group. But believe me ladies... it's ALL for the better!

Magic Mike XXL introduces new characters, such as Jada Pinkett Smith as the MC (introducing all the beautiful men on stage), and rapper, Childish Gambino who I just absolutely LOVE! He sings this wee beauty:

You know when you forget a tune and then you remember it and listen to it on repeat? Yeah I have played this sing about 30 times since watching Magic Mike XXL last night...

So the second instalment sees Mike owning his own business outside of the entertainment industry and in something more mundane... He then finds himself going back to meet the boys for a weekend convention and it is a weekend to remember... Look at me talking like I was at the fucking convention myself?! But I tell you what, it felt like I was! All I found myself doing was laughing and blushing... and my mouth was wide open throughout the most part haha! 

However I was listening to Radio 1 last week and the cast of the sequel were asked that if the film featured female strippers, would it work? This is was they had to say...

Co-star, Adam Rodriguez concurred stating:

However Jada Pinkett Smith provided a difference of opinion on the matter:

(Images used from the BBC Newsbeat website).

Me personally, I have to agree with Joe and Adam; I find female stripping is obviously of the more exotic and sexual nature and has undertones of seediness. Although Magic Mike connotes sexuality, it is mainly the entertainment value that draws women in and the fact that the men really involve the audience, not just for money, but to put a smile on their face! But I also agree, with  Jada, the movie could be done with women but purely as entertaining dancers and was done in a tasteful way. There is a scene in the second instalment where Childish Gambino refers to them all as "healers". Women may not be satisfied with their everyday lives and they lean on Magic Mike and his team to ask them what it is they want... What most women want really?

Pretty sure you ladies won't mind watching this... that's of course if you're any red blooded woman?! Enjoy!

Toodles!

T.x

Chapter 90: I Heart Brighton!

Hey Guys!

Hope you all had a great week! I had a brilliant weekend as I went away for my cousin's Stag do in Brighton! It was so much fun and I had never been to Brighton before, but I heard so many great things prior to going. Usually when I go to a seaside resort I love it for the time I am there and I am pretty much ready to go home by the end, but literally, this place had everything! The seaside, great shops, great food, great bars. I think what I loved the most about it was that it resembeled a large Camden Town - everyone was very individual and friendly.

The Friday night started like any other... it began with a civilised meal in The Regency Restaurant on the seafront and it was so different:

Such a great feel when you go in and there is absolutely nothing you can fault about the food or the service. Of course... a Stag do starting of civilised is out of the ordinary, right?!

The night then carried on to good old Revolution, which I REFUSE to give a review on, because I'm sure all of you reading this are fully aware what Revo is like haha. All I will advise you on is... DON'T EVER HAVE A CHILLI SHOT!!

The next day we had to carry on drinking to avoid the hangover... however this did eventually catch up with me! Nothing that a bit of American Diner food couldn't sort out though! We went to a restuarant called, The New Club, right beside Brighton Pier. Served the most amazing cocktails and the waiter put so much attention to detail, you could have literally stared at him all day (it also helped that he was extremely easy on the eye). It was so unique that when I asked for a lemonade they asked whether I wanted it draft or whether I would like to try their own lemonade they made in house - of course I couldn't turn that down. They made their own lemon puree from fresh lemons, added soda water and a big dollop of ice - enough to cure anyone's hangover! Their food was out of this world as well. I had the Chicken Burger with the Bastard Sauce (I had to ask what this was - it's an in house made tomato sauce - PUKKA!).

After this we went on to a cool little bar called Bar 32 which was along the Duke Street right by the main shopping area. Nice a chilled with sofas upstairs and again, fantastic cocktails! Definitely would recommend chilling her with a Bellini or 5 after a night out...

All and all I had a great time and so did my cousin! Happy stag weekend Petey! I loved meeting all your mates and I can't wait for the wedding in August! So happy for you and Glenn :).

Here's the BEST moment of the weekend for you all to see...

And here's the song of the weekend... ENJOY!

Next up - my sister's Hen in York! Share your messy Hen/Stag stories on the back of here, visit my Facebook page or Tweet me @triciabaxter.

Big love,
T.x

Chapter 89: Don't Settle

I mean it, don't. Why on earth should you settle for something you're not truly happy with? Do you not deserve more than that? Do you not think you are worth more than that? Get out of that fucking mindset... pronto. This accounts for everything; friendships, relationships, the service you receive in shops, buying something as a second choice because you couldn't find the perfect thing you were after - such as life. I bought a pair of shoes a few months back from Kurt Geiger and I wore them for the first time the other night, looked after them with so much care and they got damaged through no fault of my own. I complained the next day straight away and they said they can't do anything about it. Have I settled? No. I was in a car accident the other week and my car got written off. I've had so much bother with my insurers, did I settle? No. I said, "Can you pass me on to someone who knows what they fuck they're talking about please?" What? I said please...

I have always said, nothing is perfect and I mean nothing. People who are searching for that 10/10 significant other - they don't exist. 10/10 implies perfection and nothing in this world is perfect. Something can seem perfect to someone with regards to what they want personally, but generally nothing is. However, it is important to strive for what you want in life. You want to get into a certain career? Do it. You want to get fit and lose weight? Do it. It literally is that simple. Yes there are risks, but it's got to be worth it surely? If not for anything but for your own happiness, am I right?

When you hear people say what they want in life, such as more money, a bigger house, a better job, they don't tend to think about what that actually brings once they have it? Happiness. Doesn't everyone ultimately want that? Yes it can be a long and bumpy journey, but again... it's got to be so worth it...

I think we have all been in a certain situation at some point in our lives where we feel like we are plodding along and that there is way more to life than feeling like it's groundhog day over and over again and you ask yourself, "Shit me, there HAS to be more to life than this." I have come out of relationships in the past not feeling like I was good enough for anyone; looking around at other couples thinking "I want what they have." But the fact of the matter is, the grass isn't always greener and you are a catch - start to love yourself and love will find you the way you want it eventually.

I like to think I have always been strong minded, but things have happened along the way to make me feel weak. However I think this for a split second and then I knock myself out of it. My Mom once said to me (regarding a certain situation I was in at the time), "You don't take this shit from anyone normally, why are you taking it now?" I answered the question, but by God it was pathetic and it wasn't me, because I was settling.

Settling can mean you are not only settling with something, but you are also going against all morals you ever had and anything you ever believed in. Basically, you not being your true self. Look at Good Will Hunting; Matt Damon played an absolute genius but was willing to settle for being a janitor in a College. He met the love of his life but convinced himself he didn't need them sort of emotions in his life. That was of course until Robin Williams gives him a good pep talk:

Convince yourself that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for. 

Have a great week guys and remember - be everything you want to be.

Big love,

T.x

Chapter 88: Three Years Running

Hey Guys! Hope you're all well and had a great week :).

So last Sunday, my sister and I ran Race for Life 5k for the third year in a row. It is always such a privilege to run alongside women who are so brave and are going through such struggles only to show their strength shine through. Every year we have our numbers and our back signs attached to our tops, telling everyone around us who we are running for; my sister and I run for our Mammy, who suffered from bowel cancer silently for nearly 10 years and only found this out later on. She was the bravest woman I have ever known and always had a zest for life. When I ran my first Race for Life she was so proud of me because she knew I wasn't the best of runners... So  I have vowed to do it every year since. Next year my sisters and I would like to do something for Macmillan Cancer Support as the Macmillan Nurses were so amazing with our Mother in looking after her. There are so many amazing things you can do for this charity and you can have a look at just some of them here:
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/get-involved/fundraising-events/index.html

When we see women running in front of us who state they have survived or are still suffering from cancer, there really is no bigger motivation. As deep as this might sound, anytime I have a stitch or some sort of pain whilst running, all I ever think about is the amount of pain my Mother and other cancer sufferers must have/are still going through. I will be the first to admit I am not the best runner; I have difficulty breathing and I have suffered from panic attack for 2 years. A lot of the time, they come over me when I least expect and oddly enough, when  I'm not even thinking about anything to cause me panic. I have a certain mantra I will replay in my head whilst I'm running - basically a certain saying that will keep me going. It does help, but I have to admit that this year was the most difficult year. I think it's because I heard this route is one of the most difficult ones to run in the West Midlands as it is quite hilly - and it was! Maybe it was mind over matter? But I had pins and needles from the tips of my toes up to my knees towards the end! However... with my ongoing mantra running in my head, I eventually made it!

So, if you struggle to run from time to time, here are some top tips from yours truly:

1. Be mentally prepared to go for a run... before you run. If your mind isn't in it, you won't go for longer. At least that is my experience.
2. Don't eat a big meal before you run and if you do, wait at least 2-3 hours before going for one. Best to have a light meal or not eat at all beforehand. 
3. Some people like to run alone to clear their heads and listen to their music. Personally I find it better to run with someone. Kind of like a spotter when you do weights at the gym; someone to watch your technique and make sure you carry on to your target time/distance. I usually go with my sisters and brother in law - he's usually the one to egg us on and it really works.
4. Have a good pair of trainers of course! Go into a sports shop and speak to an advisor. Tell them what type of distance you run and your average time/speed. Obviously you would need different trainers for sprinting as opposed to long distance running. Decathlon is amazing for this and they have their own brand of trainers which lasted me 2 years - they were £11 from the kids section mind...
5. Get a light water bottle - you don't want to be carrying a big clunky 1 litre around with you, not unless you want guns like Arnie!
6. If you do take water, don't drink too much whilst out on your run. I find if you do this you are more likely to get stitch, especially if the water is too cold. Take a small swig to hydrate and carry on.
7. Download Nike+ - this is a great app to track your distance and set yourself goals, whilst listening to your music and all the while having someone to tell you how well you are doing.
8. Don't start off by setting yourself large goals. If you're not a runner don't just get your gear on and say, "I'm going to run 5k." That's 3.1 miles... it's not realistic. Start off by say running around your block and then the next time you run, run around your block and push yourself for another 5 minutes.
9. Start off slow - if you start a long distance run off by sprinting, you're less likely to last longer. Although this is easy to do, it's best to end your run with a sprint. Myself and my "team" usually end a run with hill sprints; this is a great way to interval train.
10. Interval training - run for a bit and stop for a bit. Go slow for a bit and fast for a bit. This will be a sure fire way to improve your stamina.
11. Warm up and cool down - you don't want to look like John Wayne the next day (unless of course that's the look you're going for).
12. Get some motivational music going - create a playlist that will keep you moving and happy to do so!

For more tips, have a look on this website which is far more technical than the above tips I've provided:

http://www.active.com/running/articles/10-tips-for-beginning-runners

Remember - slow and steady wins the race.

Here's my motivational running song:

What's yours? If you have any more running tips, please comment on the back of here, comment on Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Have a great week guys!

Big Love,

T.x

P.S. My dear friend Rosie Inzani and her family are hosting an event this year for their late Father, Joe. The event is in aid of the Air Ambulance who were a massive support to the family and for all their hard work. If you are interested in going, please visit their event on Facebook, JoeFest 2015 and donate to their page at JustGiving. Our page is also still available online to donate to Cancer Research UK here: www.justgiving.com/patriciabaxter. Thanks again for all your donations, my family and I are very grateful ans I know our Mammy would be too xxx.

Chapter 87: "So Why Are You Single?"

So... Why are you single? The dreaded question that about 99.9% of singletons get asked. Do we have the answer for you? No. No we don't. How can we possibly answer that fucking question? I went out last weekend with my friend and my sister. My sister is engaged so she was trying to scout for nice men for me and Shak... Some blokes come along, one of which says:

Bloke: I see you're not married. So do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Bloke: So why are you single?
Me: I don't know?...
Friend: She hasn't found the right bloke.
Bloke: Why are you single?
Friend: I haven't found the right bloke.
Bloke: But you're both gorgeous, have beautiful smiles... you must be psychos.

That was his explanation; we must be single because we are psychos. He was clearly (I hope) being sarcastic... but that is the generalisation that most men seem to give these days. I would just like to say on behalf of all women - we are not. But in all fairness, the generalisation us women give for men that are single, is that they have commitment issues. Say what you will fellas, but I think we may need to get rid of these stigmas and really come to terms with why we are all single. So the next time someone asks me this on a night out, at a wedding, at a family do,  I will say (and so should all of you) the following:

I am single because: I like to hog my own Netflix account and watch anything I want without having to wait on someone to watch it with.

I am single because: I want to be able to burp and fart without initial judgement, only for someone to have to accept it after 5 years of being together - you either deal with it or fuck off.

I am single because: I grind my teeth in my sleep. No? Just me then.

I am single because: I like my own company too much.

I am single because: Wine/beer gets me more than a man/woman.

I am single because: Not sure I can fit having a partner into my busy schedule...

I am single because: Everytime I'm in a relationship and it's going bad (which it usually does) I wish I was single.

I am single because: I'm too independent.

I am single: Because men/women are pricks.

I am single because: I want to be.

So... You see really when someone asks why you're single, don't take it personally... a lot of the time the person asking is either:

1. Nosey.
2. Genuinely concerned and want to see you happy with someone (this applies to family/friends only).
3. Want to get their leg over.
4. Unhappy in their own relationship and wishes they were single too.

What are your thoughts single people? How do you feel when people ask you this question? Do you feel invaded? Or do you feel flattered? Either or, let me know on the back of here, visit my Facebook page or tweet me @triciabaxter.

I will leave you with this little number for now:

P.S. My sister & I are doing our Race for Life THIS SUNDAY! Please help us reach our target of £200 by donating to the following link: https://www.justgiving.com/patriciabaxter
We will be running for our beautiful angel, our Mammy, Jenny Baxter - the bravest woman and the biggest fighter we will ever know. We will also be running for everyone else who is fighting cancer and all of their families affected xxx.

Byeeeee.

T.x